Black holes and revelations.

I don't think I can blame my birthday for this anymore. For being in this... hole (?). You can't blame a number.

I can't blame myself. Who is the only one who fights for what I want in life? Oh right, that would be me. So nope, not my fault.

I can't blame my parents. They want what's best for me (if only I knew what that was). They do what they do for me out of love and worry. So nope, not their fault.

I can't blame life. Life happens because of decisions that affect other's decisions and *decisinception*. So nope, not life's fault.

I honestly can't blame anyone/thing/situation.

But how can it be no one/nothing's fault?

And then: BAM. I realize it is my fault! When did I become so negative? When did I become so selfish? When did I become so... terrible to be around??

Once that realization hits, I panic (like any normal person would).

• I'm quitting my job because it doesn't make me happy (among other important reasons) *comes out of the hole a bit*
• I'm flying to Germany because I don't feel like I can find the answers I'm looking for in my own city *comes out of the hole a bit more*
• I'm being super independent and dying my hair and acting like a 22 year old who doesn't have life figured out should be allowed to act *is almost out of the hole*
• I'm flying back from Germany bawling my eyes out on a plane over a silly movie about some girl finding herself *stays in the hole*
• I'm frustrated because I don't know if anyone will support my decisions and I'm sad/angry because most people aren't understanding my semi-rational actions *goes back into the hole*

How does one deal with all of this in a three week period??

Total shut-down. That's how.

I turned myself off, gave myself a break, jumped back on the band wagon and out of that hole.

"Somewhere in me there is strength." 

                     -Relient K

"I am who I am."

                     -Jonas Brothers

"Water off a duck's back."

                     -Jinkx Monsoon

"I will find my way, I can go the distance."

                     -Hercules

"As you grow, you become more of who you already are."

                     -Marcus Buckingham

I heard that last quote in class today, and I can't think of a better life motto for myself. It's not about changing yourself, it's about making who you already are better. Who would have thought that a class I was forced (literally) to take before graduation would have such an impact on my life? 

It doesn't matter that I'm studying the "wrong" thing; there may never be a "right" thing for me to study.

It doesn't matter that I've been working in the "wrong" industry since I started college; what I learned and took away from those jobs is invaluable experience.

It doesn't matter that I have everyone's support in my decisions; the only opinions for my future that matter are my own.

It doesn't matter that my wants and desires might change; that is so normal !!!

It doesn't matter that I am still not 100% sure about everything in my life; no one is ever 100% sure about everything.

No one ever knows what's best for them, they only know what the best decision is for RIGHT NOW. Shouldn't we be living for RIGHT NOW? Shouldn't I be deciding for RIGHT NOW??

Finding direction... finding and being yourself... finding strength and happiness and excitement in life... it's what I need. It's what I'm going to do.

This blog is going to change this summer. I hope you're ready for it.

Zweiundzwanzig.

It's my birthday. I'm 22.

I also just got back from Germany - surprise!

This might just be the most uneventful birthday I've ever had, but it fits my age somehow.

My birthday wish this year: to figure out what I want to do with my life and to live in a beautiful place...

Ultimate Birthday Dream Wish List

At the request of some of you, I will share with you my Ultimate Birthday Dream Wish List!

It might be a little outrageous. I have champagne tastes on a PBR budget.

(all pictures from respective websites)

Perm nightmare.

I've always had straight hair. Right out of the womb: stick straight. Never wavy, never curly, no volume straight hair. And I've always hated it.

I used to ask my mum about getting a perm and she would say, "Ande, you don't want a perm. Then your hair will be frizzy and big. I had a perm when I was a teenager. Trust me, you don't want one."

Why don't we listen to our parents? *head desk*

I apologize in advance, as I only took pictures with my iPhone, but I think it's important to see the progression of my hair texture in a matter of days. 

I would also like to preface this post with some facts:

• I am a frequent customer of this salon and I quite often refer people to stylists there
• I had never met this stylist before, but supposedly she is one of the best at perms
• I understand that my hair doesn't hold curl from any form of heat styling nor does it hold any shape at all aside from straight 
• I made the stylist aware of this and was told that it wasn't a problem because my hair was being chemically treated
• I had never had a perm before
• I was told it would last a minimum of a few months
• I will not be sharing the salon or stylist's names because it wasn't their fault entirely
• I painstakingly followed every instruction I was given to make sure it had time to process and set

To be completely honest with you, I was unsure of it when I first saw the finished result at the salon. Once I went home and put on my makeup and kind of messed with it a little, then I loved it. In the way that I love cats and drag queens. I LOVED it.

This is what it looked like by 8PM the day I got it done (which was at 2PM)...

Major love. I posted it on instagram and had an overwhelming amount of positive feedback. I was pretty pleased, not going to lie.

This is what it looked like the next day after 10 hours at work (about 26 hours later)...

Still looks pretty good, considering I slept on it and all. I noticed the back was a lot flatter, but I chalked that up to the fact that I sleep like a vampire (on my back, and like I'm dead). Even 40 hours later, it still looked presentable enough to go run errands. By that time the back was basically dead, but again... I did sleep on it.

So after the 48 hours of not washing my hair, I was excited to wash and style it myself (I actually waited 54 hours to wash it but whatever, that's beside the point). After washing it, not using conditioner (since the stylist who permed my hair stressed that conditioner made it fall more quickly) on it, diffusing it, and DOING EVERYTHING ELSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO... this happened.

Seems okay...

WHAT IS THIS??

Straight hair. That's what.

The perm was completely eradicated from the under layers of my hair. Needless to say I was a little ticked. I went back to the salon the next day, but the stylist wasn't there. So I went back the day after that, and I told her my grievances. She suggested we re-do the back of my hair, since the front was "still super curly", and she made me an appointment to fix it.

It just got worse from there. I woke up the next morning and washed it (for only the second time, mind you) and it was no longer curly. It was kinky and sharp... it looked so terrible that I brushed it out. If you have curly hair, you know that brushing your hair makes you look like a poodle. Please understand me when I say that my hair looked so bad before brushing it out, that being bald would have been better. The poodle look lasted me through my work day, but I got home and the first thing I did was straighten it. 

I kept it that way until I went back for my appointment. I told the stylist there was no way I was re-perming the back, and I wanted it all straight again. She did a few deep conditioning treatments (for free, so I appreciated that) and told me it would be completely straight after a few more washes.

I'm still straightening my hair every morning because it has a bit of "fluff" around my face and it bothers me. But it does look and feel a lot better.

THE MORALS OF THE STORY:

• I won't be sending people to that salon for perms
• I'm going to need to think about changing salons
• My hair hates change
• I'm meant to have straight hair forever

And most importantly...

• I need to listen to my mum more often.

Do any of you have hair horror stories? 

At a crossroads... (plus more April pixxx)

I'm not even 25 and I've had quite a few "quarter-life crises" (yes, those exist) since the beginning of 2013. Most of my worries are totally normal for someone my age and in my circumstances. My birthday is inching closer, and I am going to be 22 years old (for all intents and purposes, it is going to be my 2nd Annual 21st Birthday... because who wants to go beyond 21?). I will be a "real adult". I'm a semester closer to graduating in only days. I start to wonder about things. Mostly things that I've previously been very confident in. Did I choose the right thing to study in college? Am I going to get a job after I graduate? Where am I going to live? Why don't I have a boyfriend? Am I ever going to get married? Why do my grandparents keep asking me if I'm going to have children soon? WHY AM I SO OLD???

Eventually I'll chill out. But I've been making some important decisions that aren't very easy to make, and it's taking a toll on me. Once finals are over... I will breathe.

Maybe.

She's literally my mini-me.

sunglasses : marc jacobs
dress : teenage runaway
shoes : mix no.6
watch : fossil 

back detail of the dress
I LOVE this dress.

hadn't worn false lashes in such a long time... and I was proud of my eyeliner ~

My roommate/personal assistant.  

Jorden sent me these from the UK - mad love!! 

I bought myself an early birthday present. Shhh... ;) 

Dollar burgers at Bar Louie.
And yes, that is a perm.

The perm is since gone. Well, I'm getting it "fixed" tomorrow. I've written a post about it, but I want to include whatever it takes to get rid of the kink in my hair... look forward to that?

IS ANYONE ELSE STRUGGLING WITH LIFE?? #foreveralone

Oops it's April.

My life is the same.

Busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy.

But GREAT news! I'm done with this semester in three weeks! Just in time for my second annual 21st birthday muahaha ~

Until then, satisfy yourself with my twitter (@ohdeculture), instagram (ohdeculture), vine (Ande), and the following pictures. Because ain't nobody got time for anything else right now.

PER USUAL: all of these pictures are miiiiiineeeee please don't steal them... RUDE

My friend and I went to Roy's Hawaiian Fusion as a "congratulations" to each other. It was DELICIOUSSSSSS!! I wish I could afford to go there more often *sheds a tear* 

pork shank with mac n' cheese - scrumdiddlyumptious
mango mojito in the background....

mango cobbler - I DIE

thanks to Rii for telling me how to make the best sweet potatoes ever

I recently went to Disney World after some serious convincing from Joy and David. They are my co-workers and also my cousin and son... which is a long story...

smiles on smiles on smiles 

derp ruins an otherwise great picture 

they stole my clothes

my current megu in a field of flowers ~*~*~*~

slammed my finger in a drawer  >____>

ANIMAL!
my goddaughter was carrying around a picture of me asking "who's this?"
i am obviously very memorable..........

Is this blog ever normal? Will I ever start wearing makeup again? Why does my hair look so blah? When will I get off my lazy bum and go to the gym? CAN I JUST GRADUATE ALREADY?

Answers to these questions and more -- next time ;)
(I hope)